Christmas for Caregivers Part II
As a #caregiver for someone with dementia you face strange challenges all the time. So when our failure to obtain respite care brought me to tears, I tried to remember “impossible” problems we managed to solve in the past. Just two years ago, I was also weeping at Christmas while trying to get Mom home for the holidays.
Although my mother lived with me when she was first diagnosed with dementia, I moved her to residential care when she began “wandering“. The first time she left the house, I was blindsided. Mom hated being near water. She had a fear of puddles and storms and was terrified by our leaky kitchen faucet. Yet one Saturday morning I returned from the post office to find her stumbling along the bank of a stream in her nightgown. She was wearing her sneakers on the wrong feet. We were both shocked to run into each other by the creek. I gently asked her to return to the house and she agreed.
I hoped that it was an isolated incident, but a second wandering episode made me panic. My tiny mother ran out of the house one rainy morning while I was upstairs in bed. She charged outside into the muddy driveway wearing little pink bedroom slippers. When I heard the front door slam, I raced down to get her. This time she ran away from me and lost a slipper in the chase. That’s when I decided to move her. It was too dangerous for her to live in a house surrounded by woods and water.
Our Residential Care Experiment
Mom spent a few happy years living in structured settings before her condition began to decline. She developed a wound on her foot and stopped walking. Then she didn’t want to participate in activities. Life no longer appealed to her and Mom’s health drifted downhill. My mother’s doctor told me she was on the borderline for hospice services. I could not bear the idea of my mother passing away far from her family. So I decided to bring her home again. I never dreamed that I’d be challenged on my choice, since I’m her Power of Attorney and have been responsible for her care for many years. But I was wrong.
The nursing administrator at her residence would not allow us to move Mom without a medically approved care plan. (The same administrator also refused to sanction an employee who routinely neglected my mother.) My plan was to bring Mom to our house and hire home health aides to help care for her. But the administrator insisted that the home health company send someone to examine Mom in their facility (four counties away) to ensure they could provide required services. It took weeks to coordinate all the assessments during the busiest time of year. I cried every night thinking I’d never get her home in time for Christmas. On December 22nd, my sister, her friend, my boyfriend, and I moved Mom out of her residential unit. We drove her back to the mountains on a cold windy night to celebrate the holidays at home.
That adventure took place two years ago. Once my mother came home, her will to live returned! And that’s how we arrive at Part III…..